5-14 Don't Let Others Affect Your Decision

I thought back to the eve of the gaokao. I didn’t have so much anxiety and worry at that time. The only things I needed to do were to study, play badminton and read books. I had a clear goal: to major in physics, regardless of which university it was. So I filled out my university preferences without any hesitation, and I didn’t think I was wasting points by not applying to universities with similar score requirements but without physics programs.

Now I feel anxious because many other people have said that I could attend a top-tier university for my postgraduate studies. If I go to a slightly “worse” university or institution, I do feel shortchanged. It is letting others judge my decisions that makes me feel anxious and wastes lots of time on reaching out to people. I should know what I really want: not salary, not status, not recognition from others. I want the peace when I calm down and read a book, derive an equation and feel my mind working. If I were on my own, these would be enough. I don’t need to feel anxious about salary and future prospects. Is it escapism? I don’t know. In reality, it makes very little sense contacting so many professors these days. I should focus on studying the professional courses: solid-state physics and statistical physics, and working hard on English for IELTS, although I haven’t yet made a decision to take that exam.

It doesn’t mean that what I have done in recent days has been entirely pointless. I’ve gained knowledge about the structure of colleges and institutions, the strengths and advantages of institutes within the Chinese Academy of Sciences. It is significant to choose a good professor, as this will determine my postgraduate experience. For me, the Shanghai Institute of Optics and Fine Mechanics is a suitable place for a student interested in applied physics.